RC EXERCISE #1: HANDOUT
WHAT are RC’s-WHY ARE THEY IMPORTANT? RC’S= Relational circuits:
· Joy comes from relational connection: “Someone is glad to be with me”
· Our brains have circuits that guide our relational connections with God and others
· These circuits are formed and enhanced in relationship with God and others
RC’s are OFF when any one of the following are true:
· The problem is more important than the person.
· I want to make the person, problem go away
· I don’t want to listen to what others feel or say
· My mind is locked onto something upsetting
· I don’t want to be connected to _________________(someone I usually like)
· I just want to get away, fight or freeze. I don’t want to be here!
· I more aggressively interrogate, judge and try to fix others (or myself)
RC’s are ON when (everything will go better when RC’s are On):
· The person is more important than the problem.
· I can be respectful, aware of, and interested in other’s points of view
· I see this moment as a new situation where I can learn something
· I am not struggling with feeling isolated and alone
· I can join in give and take both verbally and nonverbally
· I am eager to talk with God about situations in my life
RATE YOUR RC’S AS YOU PERCEIVE THEM NOW: 0------5 with zero being RC’s 100% off and 5 being RC’s 100% on.
MY RC score now is: ____________________________
THREE WAYS TO GET YOUR RC’S BACK ON: (when they are low or off)
1) BE THANKFUL FOR SOMETHING, GOD OR SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE, AND WRITE IT DOWN, EXPRESS IT IN PRAYER, OR EXPRESS IT TO A PERSON.
2) DO THE RC EXERCISES for the Body (shalom for the body) see below: These exercises lower the stress response and activate the relaxation response, which stops the production of stress hormones.
3) RECEIVE and/or OFFER ATTUNEMENT (see below)
1) GRATITUDE: Pause for a moment and think about, or ask God to show you, something or someone you are truly thankful for. Write it here, including the details about what you are grateful for: Make sure it is something you feel genuinely thankful for, even if it is a small thing. If you would like to, you can write it as a prayer to God. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
2) Relationship Circuit’s (RC) Exercises:
A. Shalom for my Body: (Hebrew word for peace, synchronized and whole; things being in right relationship with each other, the mind, soul spirit attuned to each other. Subjective feeling is peaceful. )
These are exercises that you can do physically to increase your brains capacity to attune to itself, others and God; They may feel awkward at first, but you can feel the difference usually either right away or after 1-2 weeks. Remember they are cumulative, so do them daily and especially when stuck in negative emotions (Watch Dr. Jim Wilder model these exercises at www.youtube.com. Search for Jim Wilder, then “Shalom for my body” ).
1. Moro Relfex: Pull arms back. Breathe in. Say out loud, “When I am afraid (you can substitute any of the 6 main negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, shame, disgust or hopeless-despair) , then come forward and rest your arms on your lap, and say, “I trust in you O lord.” Breathe in when you go back with your arms, breathe out when you rest your arms back on your lap. Do this four times.
2. First aid yawn = left, right left right : Yawn as you go to your right side with arm extended as at a traffic stop. Say the same saying as you go to the right, “When I am afraid”, and then bring arm back to your side in a natural position and say, “I trust in you O Lord”. Do this for the left side, then right again, then left/right for a total of four times, yawn each time.
3. Attachment Center Exercise= Breathe in and tap the CB point, then breathe out and do CB rub in small concentric circles. Say the first half as you are breathing in and tap, “When I am (afraid)”, and the second half as you breathe out and do the circles, “I trust in you Oh Lord”. (present tense is better: Do this four times.
3) HOW TO OFFER ATTUNEMENT:
The following points help you as a listener to become fully immersed in what someone else is saying, but there may be other ways that you are used to, so feel free to use those.
· Listen well and be present (no distracting thoughts)
· Maintain Eye contact, open posture (no crossed arms, legs)
· Mirror their facial expression and voice tone (no negative facial expressions)
· Reflect key words and phrases using their own words, back to them
· Notice how connected the person is with their story. Are they experiencing it?
· Share only positive feedback, especially what you notice about the person’s RC’s and nonverbal communication as they tell their story. (For example, “it seems you are really enjoying being with the Lord- your entire face lights up”, or, “your body was tense until you started talking about your grandmother, then you relaxed,” or , “You looked sad when you were talking about that.”)
Now Re-Rate your RC’s according the previous measure: _________________________
Have they improved? __________Yes _____________No.
Now, whenever your RC’s are “off” there is something you can do about it! Everything will go better in any interaction with God or others, when your RC’s are on. The same brain circuitry works for God and people.
Taken from Jim Wilder, Ed Khouri, Chris and Jen Coursey, Life Model Works team and Karl Lehman.
See www.joystartshere.com, www.kclehman.com, www.immanuelapproach.com, and alivewell.org.