How do Tele-Health sessions work?

As of April 10, 2020 I started offering Tele-health via Zoom Video or Phone conferencing sessions for all of my clients who prefer this, which will continue after the lockdown is lifted.

UPDATE:

Covid has been here for almost two years now. As we start to come out of hibernation, (or will we?) a buzz word we hear as a common emotion people are feeling right now is “lanquishing”. What does that mean exactly? It simply means we are not “flourishing”, we are not growing, and we feel stagnant. Life feels hollow and empty, sometimes hopeless. If that describes you, it’s important to understand you are not alone and there is help. This would be a good time to visit a therapist if you have not done so before, or to talk about these feelings and learn new coping methods to get you flourishing again!

IMMEDIATE HELP AVAILABLE:

The isolation related to our lock downs and the pandemic are especially hard for people with depression and other mental health disorders, as well as for young people, or people living alone or in nursing homes. But really, it’s simply hard on everyone. We all need connection that is eye to eye, smile-to-smile, for the brain to truly thrive. NAMI, The National Alliance on Mental Illness, has a 24-hour helpline: 800-950-6264. The suicide rates, and the relapse and overdose rates have increased greatly since March 2020. There is another way out. There is help that is free on these helplines 24/7. If you need help please reach out. Even if you cannot afford therapy, help is waiting. Pick up the phone. Somebody does care. Don’t wait, do it now. Someone is waiting on the other end just for you.

OFFICE POLICIES:

I ask that you not visit the office in person if the following conditions apply, and instead choose the Tele-Health Option:

• You have a positive COVID-19 test.

• You have symptoms of COVID-19 (coughing, shortness of breath and/or fever).

• You are getting ill and think you might have COVID-19. Symptoms, especially early on, may be mild and feel like a common cold. Symptoms could include a combination of cough, body aches, fatigue, and chest tightness. Some people may not develop fever or fever may not appear until several days into the illness.

• You are in close contact with anyone with the above symptoms or positive test results.

• If any of the above statements are true, please contact your physician or 911.

how is your breathing?

It’s obvious that things are continuing to escalate in the fight against this virus. We are trying to get used to the “new normal” and learning to cope at a level never experienced before in our lives. Yet for many the shock is starting to wear off and we’re left with the reality of a lower income, not feeling useful or needed, the stress of children at home and greater stress with our spouses or roommates.

One thing I’ve become aware of is the importance of my breathing. As stated below deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which counters the fight or flight adrenaline response which is so heightened at this time. Deep breathing also releases calming hormones and helps to activate our immunity to fight off sickness and viruses. So what’s the big deal, we all know how to breathe, right? For these purposes, it’s how we breathe that’s important.

When you’re breathing for relaxation, take a deep breath in for 4 seconds, pause, then breathe out for 8 seconds. You can even say a two syllable word or phrase on the in-breath and the out-breath if you would like to, out loud, which lines up with something positive in your belief system. (see tool on this website, “breath prayer”). Also, some research suggests that when you hum a sound on the out breath it helps you to feel even more relaxed afterwards (see Jim Donovan). All of these things help to lower your heart rate, which makes you feel more relaxed by releasing feel good ‘bonding’ hormones. As you slow down you actually become more productive so you get more done with those projects around the house. You also become less reactive and a whole lot easier to live with during these tough times.

Below are some Christian approaches to healing: The “Trauma Prayer” By Jim and Patti Banks will help you let go of where trauma may be residing in your body. Psalm 91 is Read by a pastor who guides you through the peaceful imagery of Psalm 91.

From an article by the CDC on June 11, 2020

GRIEF AND LOSS

• If you have lost a loved one

• If you feel distress from loss or change​

• Helping children cope with grief

Many people are experiencing grief during the COVID-19 pandemic. Grief is a normal response to loss during or after a disaster or other traumatic event. Grief can happen in response to loss of life, as well as to drastic changes to daily routines and ways of life that usually bring us comfort and a feeling of stability.  Common grief reactions include:

• Shock, disbelief, or denial

• Anxiety

• Distress

• Anger

• Periods of sadness

• Loss of sleep and loss of appetite

Some people may experience multiple losses during a disaster or large-scale emergency event. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, you might be unable to be with a loved one when they die, or unable to mourn someone’s death in-person with friends and family. Other types of loss include unemployment, or not making enough money, loss or reduction in support services, and other changes in your lifestyle. These losses can happen at the same time, which can complicate or prolong grief and delay a person’s ability to adapt, heal, and recover.

People cope with losses in different ways. If you need help dealing with your loss, resources are available to help:

• If you have lost a loved one during the COVID-19 pandemic

• If you are feeling loss due to changes to daily routines and ways of life

Adolescents may also experience grief in ways that are both similar to and different than children and adults.  Adolescents may experience significant changes in their sleep patterns, isolate themselves more, frequently appear irritable or frustrated, withdraw from usual activities, or engage more frequently with technology. It is important for parents or caregivers to engage with their adolescents over their grief to promote healthy coping and acceptance. Parents may also need to obtain mental health services for the adolescent and family to deal with grief.

Take care of your mental health

You may experience increased stress during this pandemic. Fear and anxiety can be overwhelming and cause strong emotions.

Get immediate help in a crisis

• Call 911

• Disaster Distress Helplineexternal icon: 1-800-985-5990 (press 2 for Spanish), or text TalkWithUs for English or Hablanos for Spanish to 66746. Spanish speakers from Puerto Rico can text Hablanos to 1-787-339-2663.

• National Suicide Prevention

• : 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for English, 1-888-628-9454 for Spanish, or Lifeline Crisis Chatexternal icon.

• National Domestic Violence 1-800-799-7233 or text LOVEIS to 22522

• National Child Abuse 1-800-4AChild (1-800-422-4453) or text 1-800-422-4453

• National Sexual Assault Hotlineexternal icon: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or Online Chatexternal icon

• The Eldercare Locator1-800-677-1116  

• Veteran’s Crisis Line: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or 

• Crisis Chat or text: 8388255

Find a health care provider or treatment for substance use disorder and mental health

• SAMHSA’s National Helpline

  1-800-662-HELP (4357)

• and TTY 1-800-487-4889

If you have lost a loved one during the COVID-19 pandemic

Grieving the loss of a loved one while coping with the fear and anxiety related to the COVID-19 pandemic can be especially overwhelming.  Social distancing, “stay-at home-orders,” and limits on the size of in-person gatherings have changed the way friends and family can gather and grieve, including holding traditional funeral services, regardless of whether or not the person’s death was due to COVID-19.   However, these types of prevention strategies are important to slow the spread of COVID-19.

Some actions you can take to help you cope with feelings of grief after the loss of a loved include:

• Connecting with other people

  • Invite people to call you or host conference calls with family members and friends to stay connected.

  • Ask family and friends to share stories and pictures with you via mailed letters, email, phone, or video chat or via apps or social media that allow groups to share with each other (e.g., group chat, group messaging, Facebook).

  • Coordinate a date and time for family and friends to honor your loved one by reciting a selected poem, spiritual reading, or prayer within their own households.

• Creating memories or rituals.

  • Develop a virtual memory book, blog, or webpage to remember your loved one, and ask family and friends to contribute their memories and stories.

  • Take part in an activity, such as planting a tree or preparing a favorite meal, that has significance to you and the loved one who died.

• Asking for help from others

  • Seek out grief counseling or mental health services, support groups, or hotlines, especially those that can be offered over the phone or online.

  • Seek spiritual support from faith-based organizations, including your religious leaders and congregations, if applicable.

  • Seek support from other trusted community leaders and friends.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, the family and close friends of a person who died of COVID-19 may experience stigma, such as social avoidance or rejection. Stigma hurts everyone by creating fear or anger towards other people. Some people may avoid contacting you, your family members, and friends when they would normally reach out to you.  Stigma related to COVID-19 is less likely to occur when people know the facts and share them with extended family, friends, and others in your community.

If you feel distress from other types of loss or change

During the COVID-19 pandemic, you may feel grief due to loss of a job; inability to connect in-person with friends, family or religious organizations; missing special events and milestones (such as graduations, weddings, vacations); and experiencing drastic changes to daily routines and ways of life that bring comfort. You may also feel a sense of guilt for grieving over losses that seem less important than loss of life. Grief is a universal emotion; there is no right or wrong way to experience it, and all losses are significant.

Here are some ways to cope with feelings of grief:

• Acknowledge your losses and your feelings of grief.

  • Find ways to express your grief. Some people express grief and find comfort through art, gardening, writing, talking to friends or family, cooking, music, gardening or other creative practices.

• Consider developing new rituals in your daily routine to stay connected with your loved ones to replace those that have been lost.

  • People who live together may consider playing board games and exercising together outdoors.

  • People who live alone or are separated from their loved ones may consider interacting through phone calls and apps that allow for playing games together virtually.

• If you are worried about future losses, try to stay in the present and focus on aspects of your life that you have control over right now.

Helping children cope with grief

Children may show griefpdf iconexternal icon differently than adults. Children may have a particularly hard time understanding and coping with the loss of a loved one. Sometimes children appear sad and talk about missing the person or act out. Other times, they play, interact with friends, and do their usual activities. As a result of measures taken to limit the spread of COVID-19, they may also grieve over loss of routines such as going to school and playing with friends. Parents and other caregivers play an important role in helping children process their grief.

To support a child who may be experiencing grief:

• Ask questions to determine the child’s emotional state and better understand their perceptions of the event.

• Give children permission to grieve by allowing time for children to talk or to express thoughts or feelings in creative ways.

• Provide age and developmentally appropriate answers.

• Practice calming and coping strategies with your child.

• Take care of yourself and model coping strategies for your child.

• Maintain routines as much as possible.

• Spend time with your child, reading, coloring, or doing other activities they enjoy.

Signs that children may need additional assistance include changes in their behavior (such as acting out, not interested in daily activities, changes in eating and sleeping habits, persistent anxiety, sadness, or depression). Speak to your child’s healthcare provider if troubling reactions seem to go on too long, interfere with school or relationships with friends or family, or if you are unsure of or concerned about how your child is doing.

“This has never happened to me and i’m feeling strange”

It’s hard to comprehend how quickly things are unfolding with the Corona Virus updates coming in at lightening speed. It’s easy to want to go into a cave and stay in denial until it all passes over. However reality has a way of waking us up. The kids are home all day. The bank account may be dwindling due to lost work hours. I may not be able to get essential supplies. I, or someone I love, may get very sick. AND…….I can’t get with my friends and hang out very easily. It’s easy to feel disconnected, anxious and powerless, and that can lead to what Hans Selye, a scientist who spent his life studying stress and its effect on the mind and body, coined as the “General Adaptation Syndrome”, or G.A.S. This is when the negative events demand a response or resolution, but there are circumstances causing barriers to that resolution.

In other words, stress doesn’t have to be of the P.T.S.D. kind to cause our minds and bodies to not work right. What we are all experiencing now with the Corona virus is a combination of a stressful life event with barriers in the way of knowing how to respond and feel resolved. We don’t know how long this is going to last or how it’s going to effect us. We may not know how to prepare or adapt. We are grabbing at straws, or the last roll of toilet paper, to help us feel in control. All this adds up to a feeling of powerlessness and helplessness and it can have an immense effect on our bodies and brains. When we feel this way, we release stress hormones that can cause the following symptoms:

How to grieve our losses

In this crisis we have all lost attachment of some kind, and we are grieving that loss. The things we take for granted such as a hug, someone’s scent, eyes that sparkle when we greet someone and we know that they are glad to see us, are all things that our attachment center in our brains are used to picking up to help us feel belonging and connection. When we do not experience these things for longer periods of time, it leave a toll on us. Humans were not meant to live in social isolation, so this stresses our bodies and minds, thus lowering our immune response since we are more likely to release the fight or flight hormones such as adrenalin and cortisol when we are separated and not attaching well. In the midst of this attachment pain there are a few things you can do to help you survive.

1) Name your losses: Sit down alone, with a friend or your family, and write down what you’ve lost during this time. The act of naming a loss not only helps us grieve it but takes away the nebulous effect that loss can have on us. When we name it, we can begin to tame it and do something about it. Some of these things could include-loss of touch, smell, roles in which we felt important and needed, social “identity”, freedom to go about as we wish and not be confined, choices that we no longer have, hobbies such as travel, sports, skiing and the like, social groups such as sewing circles, friend groups, Friday nights out with co-workers, etc.

2) Since loss is related to attachment, and we attach as babies first through touch, smell and taste, then later through sight and sounds, embrace your human need for all these things: a) Wrap yourself in a warm blanket b) Foster or adopt a pet from an animal shelter who needs a break from being caged, and would really appreciate kind touch at this time c) Be more intentional about touching those around you if you live with others or have pets of your own d) Put on a favorite scented candle or diffuser with oils that remind you of a special and happy time in your life (I love the smell of an apple pie or cinnamon) e) Put on some relaxing or upbeat music that makes you smile (try “Don’t Worry Be Happy”- Bob Marley), f) Think of that favorite food that melts in your mouth and if you’re trying to loose weight, thinking about it will suffice! These things have enough evidence to support giving them a try in your life- they can’t hurt you, and who knows, it may calm you more than you would expect.

We are so used to relying on things such as alcohol, drugs or other habits to relax, we don't realize that our brains are made to attach, and when we honor God’s design in us, we reap benefits that are real and long lasting.

“So What ELSE Can I do?”

I offer a few things that can help during times such as these, and I will be adding to these weekly, so please check back for updates:

1) Get outside, experience Spring and the song of birds. Research shows that even 15 minutes in nature can lift the mood significantly.

2) Turn off your news alerts on your phone, and instead check the news once per day or every other day for important updates, so you are not getting a constant feed of bad news.

3) Deep breathe and pause to relax, at least three times per day. You may have your favorite app, or just set your timer on your phone and do it on your own. Deep breathing activates the primitive part of our brain that is called the “Relaxation Response” and tells our brain that “we are okay, stop producing those crazy fight or flight hormones!” This is the only way we can tell our brains to do this, besides meditation, because the subconscious parts of our brain respond to body signals, not what we “tell it to do”. If we are running from a bear, get into a car and get to safe place, we are likely to release a long exhale, and say something like ‘Whew…..that was a close one!” When you activate deep breathing with long breaths in and out, you elicit

4) Tap into your spiritual beliefs and focus on the “good news” by reading a favorite text, the Bible, or something that turns your mind in a positive direction a few times per day. Meditate on a short phrase as you breathe in and out, repeating it for 5-10 minutes 1-2 times per day, to yourself as you breathe in and out. (see “breath prayer” in resources).

5) Practice gratitude around the dinner table with your kids and family or with a friend intentionally at least once per day. Gratitude is one thing that recent brain science has shown activates the attachment part of our brain (See Jim Wilder at www.joystartshere.com). When we are in that part of our brain, we cannot be in fight and flight at the same time. They are for the most part mutually exclusive, so the opposite is also true, which is why we can be unkind to the people around us when we are worried or stressed. Gratitude that activates this part of our brains must be truly felt and emotional, not just something we are “supposed” to feel grateful for. In addition to meal times, try practicing gratitude around bed time within a hug with your spouse or kids. Focus on a few things you are grateful for about the day, about each other and about God or your circumstances. This will help you attune to each other and to activate your relational brain (right brain), which calms your nervous system, helping you to sleep better at night.

6) Focus on attuning to those around you. Allow your feelings to be sad, and accept other’s sadness as well. Repeat back to them the words you hear, such as, “You sound like you really miss playing with your friend Timmy. That must feel really sad”. Talk about who you miss being with. Let your family know you can be “happy to be sad together”. In other words, as long as you and your family know that you truly enjoy being with them in the midst of their sad emotions, you won’t get stuck in your sadness and attachment pain, or act it out in ways that are toxic to those around you (For further help with family coping during this time using relational skills in a Christian context, see www.thrivetoday.org).

The Actual Health Benefits Of Doing 'Nothing'

From SCL Health's Integrative Medicine Services and Treatments. www.SCLHEALTH.org   

How often do you do nothing? Really nothing. Like the “just sitting on the couch and staring off into space, alone with your thoughts” kind of nothing. Completely free from distractions. If you’re anything like the average person today, you’re probably thinking “rarely” or even more likely, “never.”

In today’s world, we’re accessible 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We gladly take the time to charge our phone’s battery, but disregard recharging our own. The second boredom strikes, we pick up our phones and scroll through social media or turn on the TV and start binge-watching a show we’ve already seen. Doing nothing has become a thing of the past, which means people are experiencing burnout at record-breaking speeds.

You might be surprised to find that there are actual benefits of doing absolutely nothing. When you turn off all distractions, it allows space for your subconscious to expand, ultimately boosting your creativity. When distracted, our mind jumps to the most obvious answers when trying to solve problems. But once you take the time to exhaust those options, you end up thinking of breakthrough, inventive answers that can lead to some life-changing ideas.

Boredom also lets you know when something is wrong. When you’re constantly buzzing around, checking off your to-do list, it’s easy to ignore emotions and miss out on what that inner voice is trying to tell you. But when you start to quiet your mind and your surroundings, you can start to feel those gut feelings coming to the surface, ultimately motivating you to make changes that better your life.

Probably most surprising, doing nothing can even help you to be kinder. Being alone with our thoughts makes us long for a larger sense of purpose, prompting us to try challenging and meaningful activities that extend beyond our own lives.

Even after reading about the many benefits of doing nothing, you might be thinking, “but I need to be productive at all times.” This is especially the case for women. It might feel weird to sit on the couch while there are dishes in the sink, but this can be fixed with a change of mindset. Instead of seeing it as “not being productive,” think of it as investing in your own wellbeing. Because that’s exactly what it is.

You also don’t need to suddenly fit in an hour of doing nothing into your day. Start with five minutes at the same time each day. If your mind starts to turn to that email you forgot to send or your breathing starts to get ragged, don’t worry. All these reactions are normal and will fade over time. Suddenly after a week or so, doing nothing will become something you look forward to. Yes, really.

So today, go ahead and do something for yourself: Do nothing. It might just be everything you were looking for. 

Looking for more ways to practice mindfulness? Try these tips!

• Meditate

• Simple Breathing Exercises can Calm You Down

• Turn off Notifications and Tune-in to Your Family

So What’s the Big Deal?

Trauma can be defined in a number of ways. When there is an escalation of its intensity and we continue to receive warning messages day after day from our environment as we are with the virus updates, we can feel that our lives, or loved ones, could be threatened, whether or not they really are. This is strong enough to turn on the fight, flight or freeze response through the release of adrenalin and cortisol, and this is done automatically. It is under subconscious control. When this is activated we can experience things such as irritability and the desire to fight with others, the desire to flee and isolate, or a “freeze” response where everything slows down and we don’t respond very quickly to things. In this activated state we can experience insomnia, profound grief and sadness, exhaustion, arousal, vigilance, delusions, anxiety, rage, mania and even psychosis. (Scaer, Robert. “8 Keys to Brain Body Balance”, page 112-113). Cortisol, a fight or flight hormone, is released in this state, especially if it continues over time. It’s meant to help us survive short term, but long-term it damages our bodies and actually lowers our immunity, making us more vulnerable to the virus. This is why things like cold sores are more common under stress. Cortisol also decreases the neurotransmitters in our brains, making us more susceptible to depression.

Attachment pain

Jim Wilder of Life Model Works (www.JoyStartsHere.com) states that during this time of separation and social distancing from those that we normally spend time with, we are all experiencing what is called “Attachment Pain”. This kind of pain is the most difficult emotional pain we can experience, and it is a type of grieving. The attachment center is in the subconscious part of the brain so often times we don’t know we are missing someone we love. It can feel like we just want another cookie, or a drink, or a movie watching binge. We can feel irritable, like something isn’t right, but we don’t know what it is. It’s really a deep need for one on one attachment with another person whom we know is glad to be with us and enjoys us. It is our most central human need, the need for true attachment. In order for our brains to get that signal however, we need to see the smile on their faces, not just over zoom or video calls, but in real time. When we feel truly connected, we are calm and centered. So there are real reasons for all the things you are feeling that are coming from your brain’s wiring for attachment. It can be very disorienting.

this primitive brain response. Try it for at least one minute right now, and see how you feel. Breathe in deeply and hold it for 4 seconds, breathe out for four or more seconds, hold it again for four seconds and breathe in again and repeat 3-4 times. (You can also access my resource titled “RC Exercises” on this website under resources). Another good app is called “Pause” by John Eldridge.

Our Physical Health is tied to our mental health

There is no cure for the Corona Virus but we are not powerless or helpless during this time. We can still build up and activate our immune systems and stop doing things that lower our immune response. There are many ways to do this but I am going to suggest two today:

Activate your Immune system:

A) One way is to offset the natural fear response, as described above, through relaxation, deep breathing, attachment and gratitude, and meditation. Fear lowers immunity, it’s as simple as that. During the Bubonic Plaque around 1350 that killed 25-30 million people, it’s known that the Christians that prayed for and tended to those that were sick, rarely contracted the plaque. My theory is that they were offsetting their fear by loving others. So look around to see what you can do for someone around you, a neighbor or widow that lives alone, or someone that you can mail some supplies to. Although a part of our survival instinct, resist the urge to hoard things that you need to survive. Think about what you can do for others and activate love in whatever form you are able. “Perfect Love casts out fear,” ( 1 John 4:18). Also a good practice is to think about or pray for others whenever you are washing your hands. This will turn your heart and mind outward and keep it from looping into ‘disaster scenarios’ that activate the fight or flight syndrome.

B) Another very practical way we can increase our immunity, (and this the the nurse in me talking), is to decrease the consumption of sugar, including things that turn into sugar, such as simple carbohydrates such as crackers, cereal, etc. The reason for this is that sugar substantially lowers our immunity. There are many scientific articles that prove this, just do a search on google and you will find them everywhere.

comic relief

Oh and did I mention laughter? It’s a great stress reliever, I think one of the best. Here’s some very funny videos about what people are doing during their quarantine days all over the world.

https://apple.news/ANeZOQ40GQcmUqL-4rkNyeQ

Denice MacKenzie R.N

Other Resources

There are many resources and individuals offering various kinds of help during this time. Feel free to email me at DMackenzie732@Gmail.com to let me know if you find one that has helped you to cope, and I may share it here. Here are a few that I have found useful, some of which I’ve already mentioned in this article.

www.thrivetoday.org - for resources on parenting and marital coping during this time. Life Model Works

www.joystartshere.com - A Life Model Works website

That’s all for now! Stay well, stay grateful, and enjoy this time as a way to increase your connection with God, with yourself and with your family during this time.